The Way I See It....

The Way I See It — Hearts, Bears and Pickup Trucks
by Patrick Dunn

Hearts race.

Excitement is in the air.

There’s elation and anticipation.

It happens every February—one day that everyone waits for. And one event that can change history.

Of course I’m talking about Groundhog Day.

Oh yeah, there’s Valentine’s Day, too.

For guys, this is a great day if they’re dating, engaged or married. Otherwise, it’s right up there with “National Quilting Day” or “Think About Rice Day.” But many girls celebrate Valentine’s Day no matter what.

I still remember the Valentine’s Day parties from elementary school. The girls gave out cute little valentines covered with hearts, bears and any other furry creature (excluding Bigfoot or Chewbacca). They were really into it. Guys gave them out, too, but really, most of us were more interested in stuff like poking anthills with a stick. And our valentines had jets or trains on them—nothing furry.

A few years later came the Valentine’s Day dance. For girls it was a chance to dance with their friends. For guys, it was another opportunity to feel awkward and stand in the corner of the gym.

Then comes high school and college. My wife told me about her friends who threw a party every Valentine’s Day—just girls. That’s right. They ate chocolate, girl-talked and watched romantic movies. My friends and I generally fall into the “sensitive guy” category, but I guarantee none of us will be together on Valentine’s Day, unless it’s a coincidence and the football season was extended so we could watch a game.
Girls will give each other candy, valentines and even flowers on Valentine’s Day. In a guy’s world, this would be near the top of the “How to Ruin Your Friendship” list.

Jeff: Hey, Ben, Happy Valentine’s Day—these are for you.
Ben: Wow, my favorite! Carnations rock!

Can you imagine? No you can’t. Nobody can. Let’s replay this scene in reality:

Jeff: Hey, Ben, Happy Valentine’s Day—these are for you.
Ben (who now looks like he stepped in a bowl of cat drool): Are you kidding? I’m on camera, right? Is someone watching? Um, I have to go now—I just realized how much I love math, and I want to study more!

(Ben runs away—finally stopping in Canada.)

This still isn’t reality, because Jeff is still giving Ben flowers. Let’s try again:

Jeff: Hey, isn’t it Valentine’s Day?
Ben: It is? I was just thinking about rice.

Guys can’t give each other candy, either. Maybe there should be a candy NOT shaped like a heart but something neutral like a rectangle—or a pickup truck. Messages on them could be more guy-themed:
BURGER TIME
LIFT WEIGHTS!
GO BEARS

Even non-candy items are designed for girls—teddy bears, stuffed puppies holding little hearts, fluffy pillows. . . . So really, there are no options for single guys on Valentine’s Day except to get together and watch news footage from Groundhog Day.

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